Judging is normal, good and keeps you safe

By | 24th October 2017

Stop signA favourite hobby horse for the gay (ill)health organisations and their gay media cronies is that we shouldn’t be “judgmental.”

In this article we’re going to explain why falling for that could seriously mess up your life and put you in danger. We’re going to give you some advice which the gay organisations and media will never tell you.

The key to understanding this non-judgmental agenda is to realise that many of the gay men in the gay (ill)health organisations and gay media engage in behaviour, or are themselves in a situation, that tends to be “judged” as undesirable by most normal people – including the majority of decent gay men. They are HIV+, big alcohol and drug users, barebackers, have mental health issues and are unable to sustain relationships. They are a small elite of extreme gay men swirling in a metropolitan cesspool, particularly in London.

Officially their organisations and publications cater to all gay men nationwide and are funded on that basis. In reality, over the last 15 years, they have shifted to being all about and representing their own self-interests within this small clique of troubled gays. The policies they dream up are all about “helping” those who are like them and, naturally, they’re eager that society and other more well-balanced gay men (the majority) shouldn’t “judge” and exclude them.

In the background there is even the vague idea that all gay men are trustworthy and that this is a valid form of safer sex. Which is complete lunacy.

If you were a space alien, came to earth and read the media you would assume that most gay men are HIV+ (instead of a few percent), most are alcoholic drug users, mentally ill and have a huge victim complex. The message being sent out to society by “our own” publicly funded gay organisations these days is many times more damaging than the “comedy poofters” that we used to see from TV light entertainment departments 45 years ago. Looking at them now, the stereotypical sitcom and variety queens of the 70s seem harmless by comparison – less troubled, more likeable and liberated! This is a catastrophe.

For most gay men, falling for the don’t judge agenda is the road to disaster and particularly dangerous for impressionable young men who haven’t yet woken up to what the “gay community” can be like these days. Before they know it they can be sucked into things that will have a negative impact on them the rest of their lives.

We all judge. It’s a healthy thing which keeps us safe from harm. As we stand, about to cross the road, we decide whether we can do that safely or whether the oncoming bus is too close to risk it. Is it safe to eat that yoghurt that is a week past its sell-by date? Should I buy a house or will there be an economic crash soon?

Similarly you need to take a hard look at the gay men you meet and where you meet them.

alcoholThe dodgy surveys done by the gay (ill)health organisations suggest that “all” LGBT people suffer from higher than average problems with alcohol, drugs and mental health issues. But this is a wicked distortion to suit their funding purposes. The findings are actually a snapshot of gay villages, gay bars, clubs and boozy pride events because that is where the surveys are carried out in the main. The findings are worth taking notice of for that reason.

Over the last 20 years since the Blair government relaxed the laws on alcohol, every town and city has seen an explosion of alcohol-related trouble. In gay villages it has been the same but with knobs on. Riotous straight people were welcomed in. The more moderate gays voted with their feet, including most older gay men and lesbians. These days gay villages are jam packed with unhealthy, troubled, extreme people.

The remaining scene-goers also tend to be the individuals who want and get jobs in gay organisations and then go on to set policy that suits them. Remember that old Gaydar slogan “what you want when you want it”? It’s all about what these narcissistic men want personally.

Gay men who are HIV+ have been prioritised for jobs in gay health for reasons of political correctness. Flawed men who failed to keep themselves healthy and safe from HIV and who, in many cases, haven’t changed the ideas and thinking that led to their downfall, have been put been in charge of advising negative gay men on sex and health. Utter madness.

The (ill)health professionals will be over-the-moon to see you, a well-balanced, HIV negative gay man who has a calm and stable life, having sex or a relationship with an alcoholic, drug user, a guy who has personality or mental health issues, or a man who is HIV+. Remember, they don’t care about the possible impact on you and your life. Their priority is that these troubled individuals (who are like them) aren’t  stigmatised or “judged”.

We’re certainly not saying don’t have a relationship with a man who is HIV+. But it’s a good idea to try and work out how and why he became positive. You don’t do that by immediately believing what he tells you. You do it by observing what he does and says over a period of time.

Note how, recently, the gay media has been keen to tell us that we should never ask someone how they became positive. They want a no-questions asked world in which gay men can behave as badly as they want and do almost anything (short of actual murder) without condemnation or consequences. Some even want the deliberate passing on of HIV to be decriminalised.

But remember – you can’t rely on any gay man to tell you the truth unless you have known him for a very long time. If anything is your rule for surviving in the gay world, that sentence is it.

Walk away if necessarySome people do make a mistake and have learnt from it. On the other hand, some became positive because of impulsive, reckless or foolish behaviour, abuse of alcohol or drugs or because they have a fetish for bareback sex. Has the man changed? Unfortunately most leopards don’t change their spots.

Unfortunately some positive gay men are having far more bareback sex that they did before their diagnosis and despite the likelihood that doing so will compromise their treatment, health and longterm life expectancy.

A positive man who is genuinely undetectable, always takes his meds and is happy to use a condom with you forever, might be a good catch. However, one who resents condoms, wants you on PrEP and an open relationship in which he is off barebacking with strangers and consequently gets sick regularly and brings home STIs is best avoided.

In a gay bar you are most likely to meet someone who spends a lot of time boozing, with all the problems that alcohol brings. Is a relationship with someone like that really what you want in your life?

If you go to a “chemsex” party don’t be surprised if  there are out of control, depraved men who might rape you. These are men who take illegal drugs, have a fetish for abusive bareback sex and don’t care about themselves. Why would they care about you?

Be warned. Toxic gay men who have personality issues, mental health problems and addictions (booze, drugs and bareback) can easily take you down with them: mentally, physically and financially.

In the past we got to know people through circles of friends and acquaintances. We knew who people hung out with. In the age of apps you have no idea.

Try a first date without sex and see whether the guy loses interest. On your dating profile mention that you always use condoms – a great way to discourage barebackers from contacting you in the first place.

Make a dummy account on a sleazy hook up site like “BarebackRT” and have a look at who is on there from your area. It can be an eye-opener. You’ll find that some have a completely different “butter wouldn’t melt” profile on the more mainstream dating sites.

When you meet a guy, keep your wits about you. The news is full of stories about naive gay men who passed out at parties due to alcohol and drugs and were raped. Or those who trusted guys who craved bareback and who reluctantly used a condom but then deliberately damaged it or took it off during sex.

This is being fueled by the mad policies of the gay organisations. They are leading men into bad situations. It’s suggested that every gay man is a decent person. That none should be pushed away and every one of them deserves a chance.  The other side of the coin is abusive manipulative men who now feel empowered to have the “sex they want.” All because of a general failure to condemn abusive sexual behaviour over the past decade (bareback “breeding” and “seeding”, fisting and treating individuals as objects to be “consumed”).

The way to stay safe is by keeping your wits about you at all times, yes – staying sober around gay men and by carefully judging situations and people. First impressions are often correct but it may take much longer.

Remember: certain behaviour is stigmatised and judged bad for good reason – because it can destroy you.

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