Think of how many times as gay men we have been burnt by liars, deceivers and manipulators, sometimes called “players”. Gay men who will do or say anything to get what they want, whether that be socially, financially or in the bedroom. Gay men who manipulate so skillfully by psychological means that the victim doubts their own sanity. This modern term is called “gaslighting”. This toxic environment of lies, deception and manipulation is now wokeness in the gay ill health sector.
Wikipedia states “Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes including low self-esteem. Using denial, misdirection, contradiction, and misinformation, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim’s beliefs. Instances can range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents occurred, to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.”
In the woke echo chamber of the gay ill health sector the bareback “player” is seen as the stigmatised victim who must be believed, trusted and a true teller of undisputable (selective) facts. Lies, deception and manipulation are even seen as necessary due to the “stigma” the player faces. Lets look at the toxic environment the gay ill health sector has created due to their abandonment of the safe sex agenda and condom stigma.
Undetectable = Untransmitable (U=U)
The original aim of the U=U campaign was to get those who are HIV positive to take their medication regularly and stay healthy with a low viral load. However the “can’t pass it on” message has been used by the bareback extremists to demand unprotected sex. “No condom required”, the safest sex possible!
But trust isn’t a safe sex practice, do you really know if it is the truth? Viral loads can change between tests for a variety of reasons. When having conversations about whether someone is truly undetectable, the bareback manipulator will be offended and triggered that you question whether he is taking his meds. You should believe what he is saying as the truth, just shut up, believe him and take it raw. This is HIV stigma we’re told. If you question him it could cause a mental health episode and mean he stops taking his meds. Now that’s true manipulation.
“I’m taking PrEP”
You will see this on dating apps. This statement implies he is HIV negative and taking the drug PrEP as a preventative measure to stop HIV infection, but also wants bareback condomless sex. However HIV positive gay men are also stating they are taking PrEP. This could be a half truth as PrEP is part of the treatment, along with other meds. Of course the get out for implying you are HIV negative when you are not is HIV stigma. This is a toxic deception to get bareback sex. A disingenuous and a flagrant disregard for consent. Also is the barebacker actually taking PrEP correctly or at all? He may be HIV positive and not know it but his desire for unprotected sex overrides his consideration for others. Hey he doesn’t care! and in his mind, neither do you.
Non disclosure of HIV positive status
Some HIV positive gay men who are undetectable at the last clinic test don’t feel they need to disclose their HIV status. They do a risk assessment of the sex (bareback of course) and perceive it is unnecessary or irrelevant to disclose themselves as HIV positive. The gay ill health sector has drilled into them because they’re U=U and “can’t pass it on”, so why tell a sexual partner when there is “no” risk? However this is disingenuous and a flagrant disregard for consent. This is dismissed by the gay ill health expert on the grounds that there may be potential “stigma” if status is revealed. The message is if you are HIV positive on “effective” medication, you are the safest person to have sex with. Bareback of course.
This is a very toxic environment the gay ill health sector has created in the gay community. Campaigns by the sector are used as an instruction manual for liars, deceivers and manipulators who hate condoms so they can get bareback sex. You can avoid this grief and bareback cesspool by simply stating on apps, dates etc that you use condoms consistently. Condoms to the bareback players are like garlic to a vampire, they will run for the hills.
Some HIV+ gay men do use condoms. If you find one who is happy to do so with you indefinitely, that’s probably a sign of a responsible man who genuinely cares about his health and yours.