When you are looking for a gay man to date, and potentially form a relationship with, what’s your deal breaker?
If you look on many of the dating apps is it a swipe left or right due to the photo first before you look at his profile?
Is it his locality, his hobbies, how he writes his “profile” or do you scroll down to see his “sexual practices and safety practices”?
Here at GMAP we think you need to take a “tough love” approach to any gay man who doesn’t state he uses condoms in his “safety practices”. It’s a sure sign of condom stigma. Someone who takes little personal responsibility for the safety of his partners nor himself. Has a reckless attitude to STIs and HIV. We think you should give this guy a miss, he is bad news. Kiss this gay man goodbye.
The gay ill health sector has caused all kinds of divisions in the gay community by abandoning their safe sex condom campaigns. Opting for a “risk reduction” toolbox strategy instead and destigmatising barebacking in the gay community, beginning from around 2000.
If you are a dedicated condom user you are under immense pressure from the propaganda. The gay ill health “experts” have given the condom stigmatising barebacker the “toolbox” to pressurise you and guilt trip you into ditching condoms.
If a gay man on his app with the condom option missing does agree to a date with you, you can bet that within the hour condom use will come up after a few drinks. Barebacking will be his number one ambition. It’s his only focus.
The sex will probably be crap as it’s all about “what he wants”, not wanting to give you the protected safe sex you desire or deserve. You can bet if he gets that he will be off like a shot, never to be seen again. He doesn’t care about protecting himself, why would he want to protect you? More than likely giving you an STI or HIV.
The gay ill health sector want you to “trust” what a gay man says about his status and they say communication is part of the toolbox. It isn’t. Apps are a minefield of lies and deception. The latest trend is to put HIV negative on PrEP when in fact the gay man is HIV positive and was undetectable at his last check up. Viral loads do change.
We certainly aren’t saying don’t have a relationship with a HIV positive gay man. But if he isn’t willing to respect your safe sex practice of condoms, kiss him goodbye. Just as if someone claims to be negative on PrEP and wants “condomless” sex, kiss him goodbye. It’s your body, your rules.
Condoms work at preventing HIV and STIs. Being a condom user is a sign of a responsible gay man. Rather than a reckless, flaky, irresponsible barebacker who is focused on one aspect of sex and unlikely to be looking for love or a relationship. You need to look at this lifestyle choice in a wider context. What is going on in his life?
Don’t tolerate condom stigma. Kiss him goodbye.